--------------------
Prologue
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The Rose

Sah ein Knah ein Röslein stehn,
Röslein aug de Hekden,
War sö jung und mörgenchön,
Lief er schnell, es nah zu sehn,
Sahs mit vielen Freuden,
Röselin, Röselin, Röselin röt
Röslein auf der Heiden.

Knabe sprach:ich breche dich,
Röslein auf der Heiden!
Röslein sprach:ich steche dich,
Dass du ewig denskt an mich,
Und ich wills nicht leiden,
Röselin, Röselin, Röselin röt
Röslein auf der Heiden.

Und der wilde Knabe brach
‘s Röselin auf de Heiden,
Röselin wehrte sich and stach,
Half ihr doch kein Weh und Ach
Musst es eben leiden
Röselin, Röselin, Röselin röt
Röslein auf der Heiden.

~ by Schubert

Prelude to A midsummer’s Nightmare

A MIDSUMMER'S NIGHTMARE

~ A Hellsing fanfic by Kit ~

She gazed blankly at the night sky. The starlit sight at her window was breath-taking but Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing hardly noticed the view. A much more preoccupying worry was on her mind. Could it be true? Could that swine Enrico Maxwell have been right? That by her folly, the once proud Hellsing organization was a pale shadow of its former strength, an antiquity that was no longer viable or required, a relic from the past that would destroy itself with its own weakness?

Could she make amends? Would it be in time?

She sighed, frustrated by her seeming helplessness. This had truly been a trying year. First the damned Iscariot vaticans, then that blasted pair of brothers Luke and Yan. And finally, betrayal by the knights.

And although Incognito had been destroyed, the price by Hellsing paid had been a heavy one. Immediate danger was over for now but the threat of future vampires like Incognito had not been eradicated.

"I messed up didn't I?" she wondered aloud.

She felt weary, 40 years older than her actual 24 years. Her neck injuries had since healed, but the emotional scars of betrayal and abandonment were still raw. "I am getting old," she mused.

"I did tell you to cut back on those damn cigars of yours."

Irritated by the intrusion, she turned to the darkness in the corner of her room, her blue eyes staring coldly. "I did not ask your opinion on this matter Alucard. And neither do I appreciate your habit of entering unannounced."

"Is it too much to be asked to be given some time to be by myself?" she wondered irritably.

Alucard stepped out of the shadows smirking. "Ah but my dear master, it is my duty to protect the leader of the Hellsing organization at all times."

"Duty", the words weighed heavily on her mind. Integra blamed the whisky for making the mocking tone of his voice uncontrollably unbearable. In spite of herself, she felt her cheeks wet. Was it her imagination or had the vampire displayed a momentary look of concern instead of his usual mocking visage?

"Darn glasses, I should get them checked. They keep making me tear." Integra hoped that Alucard would accept the feeble excuse, have his laugh and leave. She was too tired to have to deal with Alucard's taunts.

In more normal circumstances, the vampire would have been rewarded with a barrage of well-chosen words instead. Perhaps it was the uncharacteristic extra glass of whisky after dinner. Walter had expressed concern at her fatigued state and had suggested that a little nightcap would possibly do her good.

"Apparently, he forgot to make sure that Alucard was suitably occupied for the evening," she thought to herself. Silently, Integra made a mental note to speak to Walter about the matter in the morning.

"Well he did, or at least tried to. But the police woman was more than adequate for the job." Alucard walked slowly to her desk, never taking his eyes off Integra. "There were only one or two minor leftover freaks and I decided that there were other things tonight that required my personal attention."

"Please be on your way then," she remarked dryly.

"Ah but I believe the matter involves you as well."

"My business is nothing of interest to you Alucard, at least nothing that justifies you being in my chambers at this hour. And stop reading my thoughts." Integra admonished her errant ally while avoiding eye contact. Tonight, she felt almost uneasy being in close proximity with Alucard. Almost, after all most humans would hardly feel at ease around a vampire who would not bat an eyelash before ripping your guts out. But not her, she was Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing. She was not afraid of Alucard. She could not. Her duty to her family name dictated that she could not entertain petty emotions such as fear.

"Go away Alucard. I am fine. I need to work."

"Duty?"

Alucard lingered momentarily at the edge of her desk before planting himself on her papers. She grimaced. If there was one thing Integra hated, it was having her precious documents dog-eared. "Get the hell off my documents!" she screeched. She raised her arm instinctively.

Alucard responded quickly. The next thing Integra knew, she was lying on her back on her table. Papers flew everywhere aggravating her temper. "What the hell are you doing Alucard?"

The vampire smiled. "Sometimes master, you need to be more honest about how you feel. I need to talk and I need to talk now."

Their eyes locked. Blue ice versus red fire. Inches from the other. "What do you know?" she snarled. "The fallen men, they depended on me and I've failed them. Innocent lives lost due to my weakness."

"So? Only the weak depend on others. And as the fates dictate, only the strong survive. You my master, have survived and that's enough for us."

"They were my ..."

"Duty? That word to you child is both your strength and your weakness."

"Don't call me a child."

"I will call you a child as long as I please."

"Screw you Alucard."

"Now is that an order my master?"

"What?"

She froze. What in the world was Alucard up to?

"How dare you. Leave now, at once."

Alucard stared mockingly at her stubborn face. "You know, scowls are hardly suitable for ladies. So what are you master if not a child, a beautiful woman of steel? Or perhaps an alluring white rose whose thorns would pierce all those drawn by her beauty?"

"Get out NOW!"

She grimaced as the vampire's hold on her tightened.

"So strong, yet so fragile. So beautiful yet temporal. I offered you immortality, and you refused it. I only know of one other human who refused my generous offer. Hundreds have begged for it and yet I denied them. Even the police woman was not immune to the allure of immortality."

"I will not mix my blood with the likes of your kind."

"And yet you have no qualms about engaging my services."

She struggled but it was futile. The vampire was intent on not letting her go until he had the answers he was seeking .

"I watched you grow from that child who ran into my chambers a decade ago. I know you better than anyone else, perhaps even better than you know yourself, master."

"Master?" The word never sounded as condescending as it did tonight. Her partnership with Alucard was a paradox from the start. His reasons for serving the Hellsings were as known as his past. Had she really been a fool to trust Alucard all this time?

"Well, what is it master? What is it you want? Or shall I help you discover your heart's desire?"

"Keep away from me. Walter ... will be ..."

"Holler all you want master. There is no one in this mansion but the two of us."

"What?"

"The police woman will take at least two hours or more to finish with that little mess and Walter has gone to check on another little incident on the outskirts of London. And your men are on patrol 2 miles from him. Little phony vampire sighting I'm afraid." Alucard grinned.

"What do you want Alucard?"

"I hate unfinished business. You have not let me have an answer to my proposition."

"I told you earlier, NO."

"But your lips do not convey your true desires ... it disturbs me."

She glared at him. She would have love to wipe that smirk off his face but for the fact he had both her arms pinned above her head.

"Unlike you weak humans, I know what I want. And we will discuss it now." Alucard's eyes narrowed dangerously.

She glared harder. "Get away from me or I'll ..."

"You'll what? What can you do without me? You cannot hold me unless I choose to bind myself. I will do as I please!"

Integra screamed and kicked but in vain, as Alucard tore off her clothes. She had never felt fear as much as she did tonight nor as helpless. She had not been as afraid when captured by Incognito. No, she was not even so afraid of Alucard. Integra feared herself the most. Ashamed that part of her had actually wanted this ... the same part of her that almost made her agree to Alucard's offer of dark immortality by his side the night he made the offer.

Fatigue against inhuman strength, master against servant, mortal against immortal. Conflicted versus determined. There could only be one outcome to this struggle.

Surely she would be humiliated. He knew her weakness and despised her for it. Beneath her steely facade, she was still that child of 13. Frighten and insecure. Would he rip her throat as he did her pursuers 10 years ago?

For the first time in 10 years, she did not fight the tears or the sobs that erupted. The torrent of emotions repressed through the years could no longer be held back. The heads of the Hellsing organization could not show emotions. It was their duty to the proud Hellsing name. She shut her eyes tightly, expecting the inevitable. Seconds passed ... Alucard's grip loosened. Draping his coat over her shivering shoulders, he walked to the window.

-------------------------------------------

"I cannot exist without you. I, who felt for no one or nothing, have found meaning for existence in a beautiful white rose. When I tried to pick her, her thorns have pierced into my flesh and I cannot free myself from her thorns. Yet she is mortal and I will be doomed to live in regret forever when she has wilted.

If only I could preserve that rose. Even if it would revile her at first."

"Alucard, I ..."

"I cannot forgive myself. I remember how he was about to hurt you. My foolish pride to test my powers, my senseless quest for a 'worthy' adversary almost cost me the only flower in my life."

Under the cover of night, they were finally speaking as equals. Not as master and servant, but as a man and a woman.

"Integra, oh my Integra, my beautiful mortal white rose."

-------------------------------------------

She stared at his moon bathed outline. Words were useless at a time like this.

"Forgive my disturbance of your rest master. I have behaved badly tonight and it is most unbecoming. I will remain quietly by your side even if you see me as nothing but an abomination."

A million thoughts flashed through her mind. Deep down, she knew her true feelings. She wanted to be with Alucard, be like him if necessary. When he had sired Seras, she had felt an unexplainable pang of envy and loss. Despite appearances, she knew she could no longer deny the ironic truth - She, the leader of Hellsing was hopelessly smitten with a vampire, a plague she was sworn to wage war on. She had denied her feelings all these years as she was a Hellsing. As Alucard had pointed out, her duty to the Hellsing name had been her source of strength her whole life as well as her burden. Hellsing, the family name never weighed so heavily before.

Suddenly it all made sense. This night was so crazy it had to be a dream. A slightly mischievous smile crossed Integra's lips ... if it were a dream, then perhaps she could do what she wanted for once. Duty could go to "hell" tonight along with the Hellsing name. She would probably regret her impulse in the morning but she could deal with her guilt tomorrow.

Integra walked up to Alucard and placed her arms around his waist. Bathed in moonlight, she leaned gently against his back and sighed. "I wanted you so bad. Who would have known that all I needed to do was to ask?" Turning around, he pulled her closer. His long dark hair brushed lightly against her body as he kissed the scar on her right arm. "Ahhh, the little memento from the time we first met."

"Hmph, you do still remember the scar ... I've hardly seen you much since Seras joined us. You were too busy training her I suppose. I ..." She paused. No, she was not going to admit to it. Well, not tonight.

"You ordered me to train her." Alucard grinned as he proceeded to continue his "ministrations". "Jealous?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

Her eyes fell on her shirt he had abandoned on the floor - under his boots. The buttons were definitely ruined.

"Damn it Alucard, that was my favorite shirt."

-------------------------------------------

"I haven't met a creature that infuriates and enchants me as much as you do in the last hundred years Integra Hellsing."

"I'm flattered but I bet you say this to all the frantic 13 year olds that run into your chamber seeking refuge."

"And how often do you go running into a vampire's chambers my little thorned rose?"

"What did you just call me?"

"My little thorned rose. Or do you prefer cactus?" Alucard was thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Oh shut up."

"Make me."

"Fine I will." She pressed her mouth against his, urgent but tender kisses which he returned with equal feverish passion.

-------------------------------------------

Her eyes fell on the blurred image of the clock humming comfortingly on her desk. Morning? The curtains were drawn, making it difficult to determine if it was indeed morning. What an unbelievable dream she had last night. Feeling both relieved and guilty at her dismay that she was back in the waking world, her thoughts were interrupted by Walter's brisk wake up call.

"[Knock knock] ...

Lord Hellsing, are you alright? It's already 10 and I believe you have a meeting at noon today. Shall I prepare your breakfast?"

Her mind still throbbing from the intensity of the dream the night before - or was it the whisky, she tried to focus her sight on the oak door (behind which was probably a rather concerned Walter). "I'm fine Walter. I just had a rough night. I'll be down in 5 minutes."

"Very well my Lordship. I will prepare the necessary."

She rubbed her temples. She felt hardly rested. Her body was aching but she felt strangely satisfied. Memories of her wild "dream" brought a smile to Integra's lips as well a slight tinge of guilt for having enjoyed it.

No, wait a minute, dreams didn't leave one sore at all the strangest places did they? Had she fallen asleep at her desk before somehow fumbling to her bed in her working clothes in the middle of the night?

She reached for her glasses.

...

Panic threatened to overwhelm her as Integra realized that she was not in her working clothes, or any clothes for that matter. Integra's mind began swirling, not that this was a common experience for her. Frantically her eyes fell on the nearest thing - the smiling, unrepentant figure beside her.

"What the hell am I doing in bed with you?" she demanded as she felt the heat of her cheeks rising. Her mortification was not lessen by the realization that her companion's clothes were on her floor and not on him. A pair of red eyes glanced amusedly over her as the vampire replied with a wry grin, "perhaps it takes a glass of whisky and a persistent vampire to discover the truth, my little thorned rose?"

-------------------------------------------

Walter who was about to lay the finishing touches on the breakfast table, was startled by the loud uncharacteristic scream from the 3rd floor bedroom.

Fury? Shock or a totally different emotion? Goodness, was Integra being attacked? Ghouls? But it was morning! Surely it wasn't a new form that was impervious to light?

Despite his famed nerves of steel, the faithful butler was not in the least prepared for the sight that met him when he broke down the door.

Integra sighed softly as she scribbled furiously at her desk. The sun had just set making it exactly one week since /that/ incident. The look of horror on Walter's face as he broke down the door the morning after was firmly etched on her mind. In an uncharacteristic show of emotions, the butler had let his jaw hang for a full minute before realizing it.

Of course Walter was too polite to mention the incident again but there were those awkward moments thereafter when the 3 of them were in the same room. The air was so tense at those times you could cut it with a butter knife.

Holding up her work against her forehead, Integra swore she could kill herself for her stupidity. [Knock knock]

"My Lordship?"

Integra panicked and promptly dropped her report.

Seras? Oh great, just the person she needed to deal with now. Integra was cold but not oblivious to the adoration the policewoman had for Alucard, which clearly went beyond the usual master-minion affection. Integra felt as if as she had betrayed Seras by /the/ incident.

"Lord Hellsing?"

"Come in Seras". Integra steadied herself. It was all a dream, a midsummer's nightmare and no more. She could deal with this. She would forget all about what had happened last week and life would resume its normal course. Heck, with any luck she would be yelling at Alucard in her usual fashion by tomorrow instead of moping around him like some lovesick puppy. Of course it would take her a little longer to put /the/ incident out of her mind but ... damn, he looked hot that morning. (Despite the fact he looked like a scarecrow to most people at first sight, Integra Hellsing realized that she could now testify to the fact that Alucard was, on the contrary, a well built man.)

"Lord Hellsing?" Seras looked curiously at the dreamy Integra.

"Huh?" Integra realized too late that she had been staring into space for the last ten seconds. Berating herself for looking like a fool, she motioned for Seras to sit down. "Yes, what is it Seras?"

"My Lordship, can we talk?" Integra sighed softly. Why were the undead so fond of talk?

"Well we are talking aren't we? What do you need to speak to me about?"

"It's about master. Ever since that night last week he sent me to deal with those freaks alone, he's been acting a little, uhm how should I put it, weird?" Integra felt a migraine coming on.

"Weird? Alucard is the epitome of weird. I wouldn't stress myself worrying about it." Integra paused. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself rather than Seras.

"Well, he's so distracted recently. He's always staring into space and smiling to himself. And I found this in his coffin last night."

"Far be it from me to intrude in your after office activities, but what were you doing in his coffin?" Integra remarked somewhat sourly before she caught herself. Fortunately, Seras was too distracted to catch the note of jealousy.

"I had some free time and decided to do a little spring cleaning. Lord Hellsing, I can understand if he's got half empty blood packs, cigarettes or even ... a naughty magazine. But what is master doing with this?" Seras embarrassedly placed on Integra's desk ... a set of ladies intimates. Integra's eyeballs nearly fell out of their sockets. Damn, no wonder she couldn't find them ... but what the hell were they doing in Alucard's coffin? What the ...

"Lord Hellsing, why is your face so red?" Integra glanced horrified at her reflection in the mirror on her right. Her reflection stared back, blushing like a tomato.

"Uhm, uhm ..." Integra was lost for words.

"And laced, purple ... I didn't know they had them in this shade."

"Seras, I'm not sure I'm the correct person to advise you on this." Integra was beginning to stammer.

"He's seeing another lady vampire on the side. I'm sure he is. And look at the size of this thing! She's got even larger assets than I do!" Seras was positively hysterical.

Integra would have paid anything for the earth to swallow her up at this point in time.

Seras begin sobbing. "That cad of a master. He's so horrid. I mean, is it an old flame? Is she gorgeous? What kind of vampire is she? She must be some sexy vamp. When did they meet up? He's not seeing anyone is he? Is it a fling or ..."

"Uhm." Integra wondered what was taking the earthquake so long to occur.

"Do you suppose he's known her for long?"

"Uhm."

"Well, he's much older than me. Lord Hellsing, you have known master for at least 10 years. What kind of women does he like?"

"Uhm."

"Does he like them big?"

"Uhm." To Integra, a horde of rabid ghouls was preferable to remaining a second longer in this ridiculous and awkward situation.

"I like the thorny kind." Startled, the 2 women turned to find Alucard lurking in the shadows, and smirking.

"How long have you been standing there Alucard?"

No answer. Goodness knows how long he had been there. Integra made a note to have extra lights installed in her bedroom, the last thing she needed now was a voyeuristic subordinate.

"Well Seras, nice to know the culprit of all your problems was here all along. Ahh, you guys work this out. I've got to uhm, make some phone calls." Integra began walking to the door. Walking? Running was more like it.

As she grabbed the doorknob, she felt Alucard grab her free wrist.

"Alucard I'm sorry but you're on your own." She struggled but he held firm.

"Master. I I ..."

"Policewoman, I need you to leave us."

"Master ... I didn't mean to."

"Go. I have things to discuss with Lord Hellsing. We will discuss your unauthorized sojourn into my private coffin later."

Seras left the room reluctantly. Careful to ensure that Seras was out of earshot, Integra decided to broach the subject delicately NOT.

"Alucard what the hell is my ... underwear doing in your coffin?" she screamed, livid.

"Won't you like to know."

"WHAT!!! ALUCARD YOU ..."

Integra never got to finish her sentence. Pressing his mouth to hers, Alucard sucked at her lips greedily. "The last week being apart from you was torture."

"No Alucard ... don't ..."

"Quiet my little white rose." He ran his hands frantically through her hair, matching her frenzied inspection of his.

"... stop ..."

"Now why didn't you say so earlier."

---------------------------------

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Absolutely. Our first date was at your chambers. I insist the second one should be at mine."

"But Seras."

"She's out ... she's checking on the identity of the oh-so mysterious owner of your property ..."

"Alucard, I don't know ... this is so wrong."

"Look at it this way, the chances of being interrupted is less. Walter doesn't bring me breakfast like he does for you."

---------------------------------

"Round 3 my little darling? My turn to be on top now, you had 2 rounds already."

"Alucard you horrible ... Uhm Alucard ..." Integra's voice suddenly dropped to a strained whisper, "I don't think we're quite alone anymore."

To Integra's absolute horror (and Alucard's amusement), the cover to the coffin had been lifted, and staring at them in absolute disbelief and shock was Seras. "Ahh, Walter asked me to inform you that the coffin maker will be here in an hour's time ... and and ..." Seras mumbled something about maintenance and polishing works before running off ashen faced.

Integra rubbed her temples ... this was going to be a hard one to explain.

---------------------------------

Walter was laying the final touches on the table as he prepared Integra's breakfast. He glanced briefly at his list of chores for the day, which included ensuring that the monthly maintenance of Alucard's and Seras's coffins was carried out.

Turning around, he found a wailing Seras standing behind him, bawling her heart out.

He sighed knowingly as he tried to comfort Seras, "Missy and Alucard at it again?"

"Alucard you bastard!"

"Look I didn't know."

"What do you mean you didn't know. You told me it won't happen."

"Look it's not supposed to happen. Well, it's almost impossible."

"What do you it's /almost/ impossible?" she screeched.

"Vampires are not supposed to be able to sire children, especially where humans are concerned. As far as I am aware, we will be the second only occurrence in the last five hundred years."

"The second?" she sputtered. "And you're telling me this only now? Why the hell didn't you say anything earlier ..."

"You didn't protest when we were ..."

"I know ... ugh, how could I have been so stupid?"

"Integra ..."

"I'll deal with myself later but YOU, why didn't you tell me? If I had known I would have at least taken the pill or something!"

"I didn't think ..."

"DAMN RIGHT YOU DIDN'T!" The woman was livid. "And what the hell am I going to do now. I've just been reinstated by her Majesty. What in the world am I going to say when she and the whole world notices the bulge in my tummy two months from now?"

"You could claim to be artificially inseminated or you could tell her the truth - that we forgot our contraception measures and you thus got pregnant by your pet vampire?"

A series of gunshots was heard in response. Outside the closed doors, Walter and Seras winced. Walter sighed worriedly. "This is not a great way to start a pregnancy." Seras quietly nodded in reply and wisely chose to say no more.

MONTH THREE

The next four weeks did not pass pleasantly at the Hellsing household. Sir Hellsing did not take well to the morning sickness. She was constantly throwing up and unable to eat much. Her anxiety at the imaginary bulge in her stomach was increasing by the day. While single motherhood was not as frowned upon now in modern society, she doubted that such understanding extended to a situation of pre-marital pregnancy by a vampire.

On his end, Walter was extremely concerned that she showed no signs of letting up where work was concerned. All the books he had gathered for his task at hand did little to advice on vampire pregnancies. How in the world was a butler supposed to care for his mistress when she was pregnant by a vampire? Walter was however, convinced that lots of rest and good nutrition would be conducive to the mother's health regardless of whether the foetus was human or otherwise. Although finally able to convince her to half her cigar rations, he was less successful about her workload.

If he didn't know her better, Walter would have sworn she was resorting to work to distract herself from her problem at hand, on in her case, in her tummy.

Seras was struggling to cope with the flurry of events. The realization that either a baby vampire or a baby human or whatever was to be, would be coming along in nine months had threatened to unnerve her totally. Fortunately, the young vampire retained enough wit to realize the best course of action for the time being was to keep out of Integra's way. In fact, Seras was convinced that anything and everything that reminded Integra of Alucard was best kept out of Integra's way, especially the vampire himself. Walter had taken great pains to ensure that Alucard was suitably kept on the field each night. Alucard himself appeared more than eager to be out of the manor as soon as the sun had set.

MONTH FOUR

Integra's mood swings had somewhat stabilized. Contrite about her behaviour, she had apologized to Walter and Seras for her tantrums thrown the last month. She was however, still refusing to talk to Alucard who was nowhere to be found as soon as the sun had set. While Integra was a little comforted by the fact she was throwing up less now, the bulge in her stomach was becoming a harsh reality.

While serving her favorite Earl Gray at tea one day, Walter (unable to refuse a favor to an old war buddy) decided to broach the subject delicately. "My Lordship, forgive me for saying this, but you have been rather hard on Alucard recently."

She glared. Walter winced slightly as he realized the double meaning of his words. "No what I mean is ... It's not entirely his fault, you know. He really didn't expect this. I don't think vampire-human pregnancies are all that common."

"Okay, I'll go apologize to him. But that doesn't mean I won't kill him."

MONTH SIX AND A HALF

Integra opened her eyes. She had been trying to sleep for the last hour but the pangs were keeping her awake. Prodding the vampire next to her, she asked "Alucard ...are you awake?"

Alucard wrapped his arms around her waist. Her back pressed against him, he laid his chin comfortingly against the top of her head. "Yes."

"I'm hungry ... I have a ..."

"A craving? Walter told me and I've read about it."

"You read about it?" she looked at him rather surprised.

"Yes, what do you think I was doing for the last few months? I was reading up at the local library on maternal care."

Integra flushed with guilt. "Alucard, I'm sorry about my behavior ... I ..."

"No worries, it was the hormones. I totally understand. It was my fault too for not having taken precautions. But about your craving ..."

"Well, could you ... get me some sardines, marinated jellyfish, strawberries, peaches and cream?"

He looked at her, incredulous. "What? I know I'm an all powerful vampire but how the hell am I supposed to get all that? It's three in the morning and all the stores are closed."

--------------------

Five minutes later, a burglar alarm at the local grocer was heard going off. A small crowd of onlookers, awoken by the sound, murmured curiously as the grocer announced that nothing had been lost except 2 cans of sardines, all his canned marinated jellyfish, a dozen peaches, 3 boxes of strawberries and 2 quarts of cream, for which payment had been left on the counter. No one noticed a tall man with a red hat as he stalked away with a paper bag full of groceries, muttering something about how most normal pregnant women just craved ice-cream.

GIVING BIRTH

"ALUCARD YOU BASTARD, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Now, now Sir Hellsing ... you must concentrate on the task at hand. Push ..."
"Push my arse. I'm going to kill him first. He's the one who got me into this mess. I swear if I live through this I'm going to put so many bullets through him Walter will have to sweep him up with a dustpan." Integra screeched at her vampire as he stood nervously near the bed.

"Ahhh ..." she screamed as the contractions started again. The water bag had broken 5 hours earlier and still she had yet to deliver the child. Writhing from the pain from the latest wave of contractions, she grabbed at the first thing handy - Alucard's hand and squeezed with all her might.

"Sir Hellsing, I know Alucard may be immortal but at the rate you're squeezing his hand, it'll break."

"Not as much pain as he is causing me! Ahhhh not again ..."

Integra let out a string of curses that would have made a sailor blush.

--------------------

Integra awoke to the sight of Walter, Seras and Alucard peering concernedly at her. "Congratulations my Lordship ... it's a boy. He looks exactly like you."

She rubbed her temples as Seras and Walter began chatting excitedly. "We were thinking of baby names. How about something that begins with D?" chirped Seras happily. "Here, you will want to carry him but be careful, our little Lord Hellsing has a full set of fangs and he bites." Walter beamed as he held out the newborn, his fingers covered with bandages.

Integra stared confusedly at the baby. He was beautiful, but so pale. "Ah, it's feeding time ... the nurse who helped you deliver is coming now ... we should ask her advice on this," said Walter waved excitedly at the plump nurse entering the ward.

Integra looked at the approaching nurse with trepidation. She had a very bad feeling about this whole affair. Marching up to Integra's bedside, the nurse removed her operation mask. Integra nearly fainted as she recognized with horror, the matronly lady to be the Queen herself. Following in the Queen's wake, was a horde of paparazzi.

"Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing! Pregnant by your own vampire! Explain yourself immediately!" screeched the Queen as the cameras behind her started clicking away furiously.

--------------------

Integra awoke with a resounding scream. She breathed deeply as she tried to calm herself down. What an absolutely horrifying dream. The whole affair had been senseless, in particular the last part about her getting pregnant and all, and yet it seemed so real. She shuddered, wondering what in the world had prompted such a nightmare.

She shook her head to clear it. She never did take well to warm weather. The heat had to be reason for her nightmare. She had also not been sleeping well since her departure from London a week ago (shortly after he had broken her out of the Tower of London, Alucard and Walter had smuggled her out of London in one of Alucard's spare coffins). Her watch on the bedside table indicated that it was five minutes to sunrise. The sight of the river Seine outside her window reminded her that she was in Paris, not in London explaining before an enraged Queen why she was pregnant, with all people, Alucard's child.

"Master?"

"Alucard, what the hell are you doing in the corner of my room? You nearly scared the hell out of me." Integra gasped as she tried to recover from the shock of seeing the subject of her dreams in her room.

The vampire lifted a eyebrow. "I heard you scream 'Alucard you bastard, I'll kill you!' Naturally I believe that this is of concern to anything and anyone named Alucard."

"Nothing ... nothing at all. I just had a bad dream."

"I see. Then you won't mind if I retire?"

"Not at all." Integra waved at him distractedly. "Wait."

"Yes master?"

"Alucard ... can, can one ... can one get pregnant by a vampire? Hypothetically?"

Alucard grinned. It was a personal achievement to see Integra hem and haw like an embarrassed teenager. "Well ... most people can't."

"Most people?"

"It's very rare but one case may have happened in the last five hundred years."

"I ... I see."

"Why do you ask my Master?" Alucard was grinning more broadly now.

"Nothing, I was just curious ... the books said nothing about such things." Integra blushed furiously. She prayed the vampire could not see the flush on her cheeks.

"... Well, I shall take my leave since you're in no danger of an attack."

"..."

"And oh Master ..."

"Yes?"

"Sardines, marinated jellyfish, strawberries, peaches and cream?" With a mischievous grin, Alucard disappeared into the shadows of her room, leaving an extremely mortified Integra. Seconds after seeing Alucard prop himself into his coffin; Walter heard a very familiar voice booming from the adjourning room.

"ALUCARD YOU BASTARD, I'LL STAKE YOU MYSELF IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!"

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